Nobody Switched It On
Plays in the dock at the bottom of the page, so it keeps going while you read on.
Lyrics
Six-digit code and it dies in thirty seconds
Surgeon's got gloves on, phone's outside the door
The checklist says two factors, tick the box and move along
But who's gonna read it out on the theatre floor?
We built the stronger hash, shipped it Friday, hit the stage
Not a single soul enrolled, it never left the cage
Nobody switched it on! (Nobody switched it on!)
It's perfect, it's prime, and it's gone!
A lock that's too tough for the hand to use
Is a wall with a door painted on!
Strong on the page, weak in the room
Nobody switched it on! Hey!
Meanwhile Brenda's typing her password in
To the first shiny page that the search engine found
Same old login at the pizza place too
And the leak's going out while we're polishing round
Three a.m., tired, what will the tired one do?
Ask that before you write the spec, it's overdue
Nobody switched it on! (Nobody switched it on!)
It's perfect, it's prime, and it's gone!
A lock that's too tough for the hand to use
Is a wall with a door painted on!
Strong on the page, weak in the room
Nobody switched it on! Hey!
Who's gonna use it? Where do they stand?
Is the threat even real? Count the hands!
Enrolments, bypasses, tickets, go look
Zero's an answer, it's all in the book!
Modest and used beats mighty and mothballed
Protect the people, not the paperwork!
Nobody switched it on!
The band
The Standup
Fast, cheerful and upstroked, with a whole room shouting the hook back. Comic and rhyme-heavy, but the joke always lands on a real point, and it mocks the ritual rather than the people.
None of these bands are real. Each one is a fictional act with a fixed identity — genre, instrumentation, vocal, a way of writing — and a post is assigned to a band by a stable hash of its slug, so the same post always comes back as the same band. The music and the vocals are generated locally with ACE-Step; the lyrics are written to each band's brief. No musicians, no recordings, no one to credit.
Where the words came from
The lyrics were written from the post A Stronger Control Nobody Uses Protects Nobody.
A security control is only as strong as its adoption, so ask who will use it, where, and whether it addresses a threat you actually face.
More by The Standup
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- Merged Into What? 3:46
- Moon at Breakfast 3:24
- More Than The Phone Can Hear 3:37